Sadness that won’t git gone….

Living with Bipolar

I have been living with Bipolar disorder for over 20 years now. Part of dealing with it has been dealing with feelings euphoria. But a large part of it for me has been dealing with a sadness that exists just below the surface. It never goes away. Over the years I have developed five ways to deal with this.

1. I take my medicines every single day.

There was a time where I used to skip taking my medicines. I would make excuses like I didn’t have the money. I didn’t have time, it was too late in the day now. Or my favorite. I need a euphoric high right now to complete a project. None of these are healthy excuses. I learned over time that to be at the top of my game I have to take my medicines. And when I can afford them I work with my doctor to find cheaper versions. Even if sometimes they are less effective. I take my meds every single morning to ensure that I have a habit and to get my day going. And if I want to skip a few days to get through a project….well I just tough it out now. Sometimes the muse is more harmful than just working through writers block!

2. I get sleep as much as I can

Everyone loses sleep now and then. But when you have Bi Polar the extremes are crazy! Either you are sleeping for full days or you are getting a couple hours. Either method isn’t going to keep you in top form. So there are days I want to sleep all day. I get up at my normal time and I get going with my day. I do it anyways. It sucks but I know that if I give in one day, it will just lead to another then another. Best to just go for it. And for those nights I can’t sleep…and for me they are on weekends and holidays, I will not get out of bed until I have slept at least 6 hours. My body needs to know that I need sleep and that I control that pattern not the disorder.

3. During a really bad low I try to avoid binge eating

I used to have a bad habit of eating when I felt bad. There is nothing like a bag of donuts when you feel low! I now know when I feel bad and I want to eat I check the pattern. Am I really hungry? What may have happened during the day that brought me to the kitchen this evening…for me its evening. And then I will use a substitute. I use documentaries on You Tube to get through the urges. And sorry you budding filmmakers they help me to sleep.

4. I get up at the same time every single day

I get up at 0730 am every single day. For me a consistent sleeping pattern helps me to stave the downs. I tend to have good to mediocre days when I get up on time and get at it. True there are times when not getting enough sleep forces me to compromise this. But for almost everyday during the year I get by just fine.

5. I stay employed and stay active

Working for me is the best medicine! I like going to a specific place, with people I know.(even if I dislike them) I like doing tasks that help people with their lives. Working has a beginning and a middle, and an end. So so critical to maintaining a consistent mood.

So for me this is how I go about my day to keep the depression at bay. What do you do? How do you cope?